Part of children's life lessons are learned through occasions like this. A young boy is not allowed to join the girls volleyball or field hockey team because they are designed for girls. There is nothing wrong with that lesson. You cannot please everyone 100% of the time, nor should you try to do so. What happens when a high school boy complains to the ACLU that he feels excluded because he is not allowed to go in the girls locker room? Kids need to learn that life has rules and laws and it is not always fair! I would certainly not give my vote to Carolyn Mark if this is the type of involvement she intends to bring to the school committee. If children start believing that a little whining about something they don't like can get them their way, they will grow up an even more false sense if entitlement.

I agree with Nick. I was raised in a single parent household. I remember not going to Father-Daughter dances because my father was deceased. It hurt but it was my life reality. I learned that life isn't always fair and you need to adapt accordingly.

she lost my vote!!!

WOW..... more fiddling while Rome burns. Does the ACLU have a monthly quota on ridiculous lawsuits?

I agree with Nick and Mary. My God...What is going on here? What a beautiful opportunity for a Grandfather, Uncle, Close neighbor or Mentor to share with a young girl. Hopefully in a healthy living environment where there isn't a "Father" there is someone in place who fills that role. This is most definitely an "Inclusive" event. It is a time mostly for fellowship between the girls to laugh and dance and be girls. I am dismayed by all of those people out there who are trying to be human steamrollers. You can't smooth out the entire road for our children. Life is full of challenges, differences and obstacles. This is the stuff that builds their character and equips them to manage the world. Because it is called a "Dance" does that mean that students in wheelchairs should feel excluded? Absolutely not. Children must develop the courage and strength to manage their "differences". They must have the opportunity to attend a dance with a significant someone and say "Hey, It may not who you are, but this is who I am!"

she lost my vote as well

So you all believe in teaching kids to exclude others? You really want to promote that lesson instead of finding common sense solutions that will have all those interested in going to dances to do so or allow sporting events available to all? People who practice common sense can make events open to all and make kids feel welcome in there schools. Stop playing politics with kids lives.

their, not there. Sorry for missing the typo.

She lost my vote too! Life is simply not fair. You have to learn that at some point. If you try to protect your kids from that fact, they are going to be terribly disappointed adults when they finally realize it. What should we do with those kids who don't get involved in those dances because their parents decide their money would be best spent in some other way? OR they can't afford to get involved?

Steve Brown, ACLU:
“The controversy that has suddenly arisen in a political campaign over father-daughter dances in Cranston is old news – the matter was amicably resolved with school officials over four months ago. And it was resolved for a simple reason: the school district recognized that in the 21st Century, public schools have no business fostering the notion that girls prefer to go to formal dances while boys prefer baseball games. This type of gender stereotyping only perpetuates outdated notions of “girl” and “boy” activities and is contrary to federal law.

“PTOs remain free to hold family dances and other events, but the time has long since passed for public school resources to encourage stereotyping from the days of Ozzie and Harriet. Not every girl today is interested in growing up to be Cinderella – not even in Cranston. In fact, one of them might make a great major league baseball player someday.”

DO NOT VOTE for her!!!! I will not.

I would like to re-post a comment I left on yesterday's Patch article:

I normally do not leave comments on articles, but I do want to say this: Carolyn Mark would be a tremendous addition to our school committee. She is intelligent, thoughtful, and, most importantly, RATIONAL. She discussed this issue in a group setting last night, and I can assure you this is not any part of any conspiracy to destroy traditional values. 'Divisive single-purposed thinking' is just about the last phrase I would use to describe her.

Carolyn has the backbone to stand up for what she believes is right, and she only does this after careful consideration of all sides of an issue. She is not afraid of challenging the status quo, and she'll put her name behind what she stands for, unlike some of her detractors (whom I am fairly sure were not going to vote for her in the first place, judging from the tone of the comments.)

As for the rest of this brouhaha: it's 2012, people. When I was in junior high, there was a 'cotillion' held on my public school's property that was invite-only, just for white kids. (And if you don't know me, that meant I wasn't on the list.) I remember quite well how that felt. There was a very similar argument held back then about how it was a tradition, and because of that it was worth keeping just as it was. I wish Carolyn had been around back then to speak for me, in her rational, thoughtful way!

I don't understand why some people are rallying around the idea that young girls, whose fathers might be working a night shift, serving overseas, deceased, or otherwise out of the picture, should be taught that "life is simply not fair" by being excluded from a school dance. Sounds pretty cold to me. I think kids learn that life is unfair early enough and they don't need to learn it by being excluded from a school-sponsored, fun activity. Not everyone has another male relative or older friend in the picture either. I'm picturing some little girl left out of the "what are you going to wear to the dance?" and "wasn't the dance fun last night?" conversations at school... ouch. Really, is there a downside to making the dance open to families? I don't see it. Not to mention, the "girls dance and boys do sports" thinking is a throwback to the 50's.

I think to cancel the dance is a very narrow minded approach, to something that needs a creative solution. i.e. allowing Daughters and Sons to have the choice to bring whomever they want to the dance, and changing the name of the dance.

I have never seen an attack on one person that is so undeserved. Carolyn Mark stands up for what she believes in. She believes in providing the best education for all our children. She talks the talk, and she most certainly walks the walk. Many of you may not realize that Carolyn has devoted endless hours to our schools. She co-led the Capital Campaign to build the playground at Meadowbrook Farms. This was a huge job, and what a success the playground has been. She also has devoted hours in the classroom as a Character Counts Ambassador. She is one of the founding board members of the EGEF which has, through fundraising and grant distribution, significantly raised the level of our children's education.
On a different note, if it weren't for NOW (National Organization for Woman), it is unlikely Title IX would have passed in 1972. For those of you who may not know what Title IX is, it is a very simply worded but absolutely beautiful piece of legislature : "No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving federal financial assistance" - Title IX. As a former college athlete, and now a physician, I am so glad I grew up in the post- Title IX era. Let's not lose what we have gained.

I agree with Nick and Mary 110%...and not for a 'life is not fair' lesson...there are events out there for boys and events out for girls...period. I have four daughters who loved the "Ladies Choice" dances in the past...a wonderful opportunity for a special evening out with a special gent in their lives...and if they dont have one, their caretaker should find one...it is just as important for girls to have male role models in their lives as well as females...great book for all fathers and/or guardians of girls called "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters"...a must read!
I also have a son and cant wait to attend a "Gentleman's Choice" event with him-whether we dance or go to a game...and No to my daughters, you can't attend,.."why?"..."Because you are not a gentleman, you are a lady"

Heather thank you for posting Steve Brown's statement. if it boils down to a matter of it being old fashioned and time to be creative and rethink other possibilities I think that is fine and good. I was in disagreement that it fostered exclusion. Gita, I do know you and what happened to you was an awful case of racial discrimination. That must have been horrible for you. I would have to believe that it probably wasn't the only time it has happened in you life. I would think that the personal challenges that you have faced helped shape to be the kind and compassionate Woman, Mother and Doctor that you have become. Lastly, Carolyn Mark is a good person and a smart woman. This is one issue. I would hope that anyone before casting or not casting a vote for someone would do their homework first.

what will Cranston think of next to go national with?? so far the banner, now this hell its school .,.....go learn something thats what we pay high taxes for...not this stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please read the letter that was actually sent to Cranston (in the attached PDF above). It is far more innocuous and nuanced than has been postulated by the media. The ACLU and RI NOW never threatened to sue and didn't even ask the school to cancel the dance. They simply asked the district to remind the school community that events need to be inclusive.

Our State and Country are running a muck. Get real and concentrate on the important things that are wrong. Carolyn Mark will not get my vote.

I've a registered republican and I have to say bravo Carolyn. You have my vote!!!! This ridiculousness in the posts above about kids needing to learn life isn't fair is just ignorance "running a muck". This is a public school sponsored event and as such should not exclude any child based on their particular family make up. You want gender specific events? Go to private school. Thank you to Carloyn for her empathy and courage in supporting inclusiveness at our public schools in RI. Empathy and courage in the face of adversity are values we need more of in our leaders here in Rhody.

Being left out is the dark side of today’s family structure, social circles and friendship, and most of us have been both victims and perpetrators. It is this vulnerability before the social lash that makes being left out so bitter. Yes, you are missing the dance, but that is usually the least of your losses. What cuts is that you have been wounded and others stand by observing the assault, discussing another course of action or leave tradition alone. Even if they agree that you have a point, most are unlikely to defend you. It is, they imply, not their business and, most of all, not their problem. It is, after all, only a dance. Exclusion hurts so much because it forces us to face the firm boundaries of self interest that lurk beneath the surface of even the warmest family structure. If home is where, when you go there, "they have to take you in," then school sponsored events is where, when you can't go there, others might cheerfully go without you. That realization of being excluded can leave scars, but they don't have to be permanent. Part of what some people experience as exclusion is really only the normal balancing of attention that “diverse family structures” and friendships require. Extremely sensitive people, who suffer whenever they are not a part of every party, hold others hostage to their hurt feelings.
Coping and balancing solutions should be part of the diverse family structure today. Not making the awkward go away. We do not all have that option.

Ms. McNamara, I guess I knew what I was talking about - just had the scoop a bit earlier than the rest. Actually, when Jack Sommers was arrested, I blew that one open too. I guess I am 2 for 2.

EG Resident

Ah, this is the smell of political correctness in the air. Invigorating.

How we treat people seems to me to be one of the first values/lessons we are supposed to learn at home and reinforced through PUBLIC education. Treat people like you want to be treated. This is a fundamental issue and one, quite honestly should have to be discussed in the 21st century yet it does over and over. Thank you Carloyn for wisely suggesting a way to support inclusiveness in our public schools in RI. After all, how we treat people is one of the most telling aspects of our character and our leadership.

How we treat people seems to me to be one of the first values/lessons we are supposed to learn at home and reinforced through PUBLIC education. Treat people like you want to be treated. This is a fundamental issue and one, quite honestly should not have to be discussed in the 21st century yet, we must, over and over. Thank you Carolyn for wisely suggesting a way to support inclusiveness in our public schools in RI. After all, how we treat people is one of the most telling aspects of our character and our leadership.

Brava to Carolyn Mark for standing up for what is right... My God people, get over it.. Are you living in the dark ages?? She is fantastic and a strong woman. Carolyn where were you when I was growing up?? I hope she wins!

The "impetus for the Cranston problem" was the poor child who felt left out because she didn't feel comfortable about attending a Father-Daughter dance (a.k.a Me & My Guy") without a father. It is not Ms Mark as "Cinderella" previously posted. People seem to be misinformed about the topic. Some school kids do indeed feel left out because of unconventional family situations. Just because only one child/parent voiced their feelings of exclusion does not mean that there aren't others who feel the same way. These events begin in kindergarten and go on for at least 6 years until a child enters middle school. Let's try to empathize with the young girl who lives with her grandmother, or the young boy who lives with his uncle....and these kids have to endure the school announcements about the Mother-Son/Father-Daughter events and hear other children talk about them for years...feeling excluded.

Cranston was not following State laws. I don't understand why people are pointing fingers at Carolyn Mark.

Carolyn Mark is an intelligent, reflective, open-minded, well-educated and hard-working person. She is an asset to the EG community and RI in general. She has donated countless hours to the improvement of our schools, and she is willing to uphold the law. What more would we want for a school committee member? Carolyn Mark most certainly has my vote.

J. Abella, EG Parent/Teacher

" A nation with little regard for its past will do nothing in the future to be remembered. "

Abraham Lincoln

Now that Mark has been exposed for the radical that she is, I hope voters in East Greenwich carefully consider what having a person with such extreme philosophy will mean for their community's future and for the likelyhood that she will be imposing radical philosophy into your children's education.

Do you really want to chance having a radical political person making decisions on your child's future?

I will be proud to vote for Carolyn Mark on Election Day. Thank you, Carolyn, for your commitment to our children and our schools.

I'm sure that Carolyn Mark had good intentions when she signed the letter. What caring person would want a child to feel left out? Unfortunately, this ban misses the "mark" completely. It should be up to the community to help children who may not have a father or a mother. For years, this is what people have done - they offer to help. Imagine that! Other parents accompany kids who don't have anyone to take them, and they do it without a law telling them what to do! My husband often took a couple of girls to these dances, along with our daughter. Banning these activities is so negative - everyone loses; this should be an opportunity for members of the community to come together and help.

I believe a Father-Daughter Event, or even a Gentlemen's Choice Dance, has great value in our culture, and as such can have a legitimate place in our schools. It can honor fathers (who are often demeaned on TV and in the news); it can nurture a vital family relationship; it can build up a young girls' self-esteem; it can help teach social behavior; and so on. While I never have participated in these events, I've seen that girls without a father always, or usually, have been included by having another family escort or by inclusion in one of the other school families. No one has ever been excluded intentionally, and I am sure that provision is made for all of the girls to go. If someone's feelings are hurt, that is a different issue and the mother should deal with that issue -- not by asking a gender-specific event to be cancelled, but by finding a pleasant way to include her daughter, nurturing her daughter's self-esteem in creative ways that fit their family unit, and teaching her that people are different and throughout life she will find ways to maximize her own life situation and gifts. Thinking that everyone else has to change for ME is not a good lesson. Ideally, there should be a variety of activities throughout the year at school, church, temple, clubs, and other community venues that meet the needs of all children and families. Gender-specific events can be a valuable inclusion in that array of events.

The dance was not "banned", it was simply suggested of the Cranston schools to rename and reshape the event to be inclusive of all. When children learn to be inclusive and accept diversity, we all benefit. That is the example I'd want my children to follow. I'll be happy to vote for Carolyn Mark for School Committee.

The views of Housewife in EG are a perfect illustration why the inclusive policies of EG schools and those of other districts are a good thing. If radical liberalism means we get the ENTIRE community involved in these events, not just so-called traditional families, it only benefits society in the long run.

I have mixed feelings on this specific issue, but after reading these comments, some of which are angry, vituperative and just plain bizarre, I have something more important to say. I have known Carolyn Mark for years. If I felt a need to discuss this issue with her I know we would sit down, express our views in a civil manner, and whether or not either of us changed, we would still get up smiling, still respect each other. That's the kind of person Carolyn is. That's not my idea of a radical.

It would be really strange if those who say they won't vote for her made up their minds on this single issue, so much of which revolves around what a school event is called. However important this may be, there are issues dealing with gender roles that are far more important to me, and I know Carolyn will spend her energies to those issues. She will do what she can to make sure no young girl is ever again told that "Math is hard," that her gender limits her possibilities, that there are jobs she just can't think about but they are reserved for males. Those are important issues for all of us, and we can count on Carolyn Mark to do her best. Is that radical? Well, only if you want to live in the 19th century. We need to keep moving on.

Hi everyone. Please refrain from personal attacks or your comment will be deleted. Thanks.

Joe the Plumber, I deleted a comment posted sometime before 8 a.m. Sept. 22. For the record, I am the who determines if a comment is a personal attack. That's part of my job as EG Patch editor. I moderate this forum.