The Higgs Boson. Not Explained At All

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about the Higgs Boson particle which imparts mass to other particles. I truly respect this pivotal finding and after reading many different articles about the Higgs Boson, I find it demoralizing to try to simplify it and explain it in "kitchen table" language. The fact is that there is no easy way to describe the Higgs Boson without fearing a glassy eyed, ten-mile away stare emanating from the face of your listener. For example, I was looking for something simple like this:

Important Discovery                Result of the Discovery

You see, I'm trying to fill in the "what the heck" part, and I am stone cold out of luck. I could throw in a possible discovery of dark matter but that would lead to more confusion because dark matter would require more explaining as we

There are unknown applications that can come from the discovery of the Higgs Boson, so I will focus on a list of possible future applications for the Higgs-Boson. These results are not science based but just pure fantasy and fiction, which could turn out to be true anyway.

Deep fried oreo cookies.

(oh wait these already exist)

(This would make texting look as relevant as 8 track tapes)

Wiggle your nose and poof! You just traveled to China in less than a second!

(No more salty peanuts for me!)

(But Saudi Arabia would have all the world's "special water.")

(Not even a "God Particle" can accomplish that!)

Only time will tell what practical applications can come from the discovery of the Higgs Boson particle. Until then, our imagination will have to mollify our need for instant gratification.