Simply Providential

I’ve always loved the word ‘providence’. For me, it’s the knowledge and understanding that God is always looking out for me, knowing what I need before I even know I need it. Noah Webster wrote the first American dictionary and used the Bible as the foundation for definitions. In his 1828 Dictionary of the American Language, he defines providence as “foresight; timely care; particularly, active foresight, or foresight accompanied with the procurement of what is necessary for future use, or with suitable preparation”.

One week into summer we’d already lost the structure of the school year, meaning my kids seemed to abandon most of our family’s way of living, so to speak, that is operational from September through June. I’m talking about being in pj’s until noon, playroom toys left in the same place for days, etc. I totally get the value of unstructuredness for kids, especially in the summer but it was the squabbling and strife, that concerned me the most. I couldn’t begin to bear the thought of a summer squabbling match every 5 minutes. After a week of true lounging around, Providence stepped in.

A ‘chance’ play date at a friend's house introduced me to the ‘Ticket System’. I consider it providence at work.

Their youngest son asked the babysitter if she could give him his tickets for being a good boy. I asked, ‘tickets?’ I learned about this family’s summer ticket system where each child receives a ticket for a certain behavior. Tickets can be cashed in for whatever is valuable to the child; minutes on Wii, candy, gum (in our family’s system gum cost 1 ticket and 1 piece of candy costs 3) and/or money. For us, each ticket equals 10 cents. The genius of this system are the rules; a child can earn no more than 30 tickets in 1 day, no more than 30 tickets can be redeemed daily, tickets can be taken away for poor behavior but earned back. Underlying all the daily rules is this one: you can’t start earning tickets until a certain set of things are done: For us these include brush your teeth, brush your hair, get dressed, pray for 5 minutes, make your bed, and these all have to be completed by 9:30 am Monday-Sunday. If any of these aren’t completed you can’t earn any tickets that day.

I love that you can adapt it for each child, emphasizing the behaviors and attitudes that are valued in your own family. It’s an opportunity for each child to strengthen his/her weaknesses or get a head start on something. For example, if a child needs to work on math skills, then doing that will earn a ticket. I’ve started multiplication facts for my 3rd grader and she knows times tables for 0, 1, 2,10 and part of 3. Everything is spelled out in a contract which everyone in the family signs. There are clauses stating ‘management can add or subtract items as they see fit’ and the child has input too; ‘suggestions of solid work for 30 minutes will be considered’.

Here’s an example of what my 8 year old can do to earn tickets each day:

Pick up my room so it is spotless (not stuffing stuff – put in proper place)

Bring my dishes to the kitchen when I am done eating. 1 ticket for breakfast, 1 for lunch 1 for dinner. 1 for any drinks/snacks. Maximum of 4 tickets per day.

Pick up the playroom without being told

Go one day without whining or complaining

Write in my Summer Journal from Mrs. Girardi

Help Mommy clean up the kitchen after dinner

Practice multiplication tables

Fold and put away clean my laundry

Do 3 kind things for Kayla in one day and write them down on a piece of paper

Help Kayla read and write

Play quietly with Kayla indoors for 30 minutes

Tickets can be taken away for lying to us, hitting her sister or what I call “Big Drama”, which is an unreasonable meltdown over a truly trivial matter.

Although we only have 1 week under our belts, I’ve already seen positive results. Each morning the girls race each other to see who can earn the initial ticket first. Beds are made; girls clean and dressed first thing in the morning. Love it!  I believe by having them be a part of the process gained buy-in. For example they each decorated their ticket vases and they were so proud! The vases stay visible on the dining table and must stay there or a ticket is lost. Any tickets found lying around are thrown away.

I believe the Ticket System will teach them several important life lessons. They are learning to be responsible for their own behavior. It lets them ‘be in charge’ of something – themselves. That is called leadership skills; before you can lead someone you need to be able to lead yourself. It teaches them the principle of sowing and reaping – every choice, every behavior and attitude has consequences.

Week 3 update: so far, so good. We've made some adjustments along the way, like expanding the ‘tickets earned list’. For every sight word my 4 year old recognizes, she earns a ticket. And when we visited the Gilbert Stuart Museum I told her in advance she’d earn a ticket for each correct answer to my quiz questions. It made her pay more attention to the guide and she earned 6 tickets. I've found that sticking to the rules is crucial. I can see where being soft on the rules would just deflate the whole project. This summer is turning out to be quite providential.